I don’t have it at the moment. Kind of missing it, too. I have scraps of creativity floating around, like sediment at the bottom of an empty aquarium, jostled into movement by a sudden vibration or random currents from the air filtration system. But so much of my reserves have been used up this fall . . . Refilled, yes, but never entirely, and only with fuel that burns too fast. My oxygen tank has a leak in it. I’m all out of supply and am down to Martian-level rations, like this blog post. Summoning the will and push to write a whole new piece, even flash fiction, feels like it would be insurmountable these days.
But good things are happening.
My daughter, who will now enjoy (unexpectedly) not just one celebration of her birthday this weekend, but two (don’t ask — it’s a complicated tale of this and that and I’m crazy), used self-control and prioritized tonight. She went to her bestie’s house right after getting her second birthday gift (her first hair dying!), the first gift being a new pair of skates, and while she was there, her friend Frank dropped by to see if she was home. I sent him to where she was and then went on supper-time errands. When I got back, I was delighted to see that not only was she home, she was studying for a test — independently, using the Internet for research on her topic (beaver habitats), having put school over playtime for the first instance of her education. I was gobsmacked. I learned a little later that her brother was influential, reminding her of what she had said to him about needing to study for an upcoming test when Frank walked her home and she was tempted to turn around and go to his place . . . But still, she chose to do the responsible thing, and then she followed-through. I am so proud of her! Plus, last night she voluntarily, and without having to be reminded, took some empty shipping boxes up to her room to do some cleaning!
Is some dramatic change happening in her developing brain? This is such a good sign, I’m both grateful for it and amazed. I gave her lots of praise, too. Hoping it’s a continuing pattern and not a random, temporary phenomenon.
Meanwhile, the teenager was working on his science and started reading about quantum physics. His class is into particles, now, looking at atoms and molecules and the rules of chemistry and physics. I recall some of what he’s been sharing with me from my own grade 9 and 10 sciences, but it’s truly wonderful to see his enthusiasm. And he’s been stepping up to some of the chores lately, as well. I am extremely proud of him, too.
If I could get my energy back to a more acceptable level, I could harness their increasing strengths to attack our combined mess and clutter and have it gone in no time. Maybe inspiration will strike tomorrow. I always envision being terribly productive and instructive when I get home, and it never happens. But if these positive changes keep going, maybe there is hope!