Valentine’s Day is looming. Today, after school, I asked Hubby if he would take our daughter to pick up her cards for her class because once again, I had forgotten to grab them at the dollar store. Thankfully he was happy to take her, sparing me the rush of similarly stressed-out parents walking the aisles with their be-snowsuited young, debating the selection and whether to add themed pencils, erasers, or candies to those little printed pieces of cardstock.
I have few good memories of this holiday. Most of them involve my hubby, especially the year that our son was born and I was so deep in the new mom soup of nursing and diapers and not showering that it was a genuine pleasure when he came home with roses and chocolate truffles. It helps to balance the recollection of being eleven and twelve years old and hoping that I would get as many little cards in my art project mailbox as there were kids in my class. When I was a kid, it felt like the school Valentine’s Day party was a popularity test. I was so sensitive that not receiving as many cards as so-and-so felt like utter rejection. And of course, I had my crushes — would someone give me a secret admirer’s message? A clue that I was special? Wrapped up in the romance of fiction as I was at that age, I wanted my world to be like a fairy tale. I wanted happy endings, dates and hands being held, long romantic gazes and just the comfort of knowing that someone liked me in that way. Liked me a lot. And, of course, I got it eventually, but when you’re an adolescent, you want it right-away-immediately-right-now-no-waiting-where’s-my-boyfriend-already-why-can’t-I-get-a-boyfriend* now.
*Also, when I was 11 and 12, I didn’t quite understand that I could have a girlfriend if I wanted. All I knew was the heteronormative terminology and expectations. If I knew then what I know now . . . Maybe next life?
I wonder why it is that high school classes don’t put as much emphasis on Valentine’s Day as elementary schools might? I suspect it’s because of the emotional stress that the holiday can put on people. If you’re single, why don’t you have a partner? If you’ve got a significant other, what are you doing together? When my mother-in-law was visiting this weekend, she kept saying that Hubby and I should go away for a weekend together. The subtext — which quickly became overt text — was that she wants to come up and look after the kids for a couple of days. But when my polite sidetracking didn’t work, I finally came out with it openly and honestly: we simply cannot afford to take a mini-break. There are too many bills, loan payments we barely meet or are behind on again, kids’ activities that I don’t want to give up because they’re helping the children to be healthy and active . . . plus, Hubby works many weekends as well. So we haven’t any plans for Valentine’s Day either. No dinner reservations. He bought me a card today, and has already given me a token of his affection because he couldn’t wait: a little blue french horn on a key ring. (Yes, we’re fans of How I Met Your Mother.)
And you know, that was absolutely the sweetest thing he could have done this week. It’s not just the fact that he was thoughtful enough to order a gift for me that I might not normally do for myself, but to take into consideration what I like and all of that, and that after a tough weekend following a long and stressful few weeks, he gave it to me right when I needed the boost, instead of waiting for the holiday. That seems to be our status quo: we don’t wait for special occasions to give each other lifts. They happen whenever, just because we can. And I think because we value the time we do have together. Life is short.
But back to why Valentine’s Day doesn’t have as much emphasis in high school . . . Some places have dances, I know, and our school council is selling matchmaker-type questionnaires just for fun. But teenagers (without over-generalizing) have enough emotional heartache and hormonal ups and downs as it is without adding the pressure of insisting or encouraging that each class have a party. I’ve witnessed the various forms and degrees of trauma that love can cause in the teenage heart, both when I was in high school and as an educator. Better to leave it as an informal observation among close friends than a central part of the institution, even one that is working at socializing young adults.
The bitter pill in our area is that all of the stress of last-minute card-writing, losing class lists (yes, we lost Bridget’s class list tonight, and when I couldn’t find even her class photo for reference, I had to PM a friend), and reminding/cajoling/browbeating the child into completing the task, we may end up with no school tomorrow. We’re in the middle of another Arctic low, cold enough for a weather alert and the risk of frostbite in five minutes when the wind blows. Hubby believes that buses will be cancelled in the morning, but I’m skeptical. It’s going to be almost cold enough, but not quite. Just enough to make us grumpy and send the kids’ energy sky-high with another round of indoor recesses. Add onto that the hype of the Valentine’s Day parties, and a lot of adults are going to be reaching for the Advil or Tylenol when they get home at the end of the day.
I haven’t yet gotten Hubby a card — did I mention that already? — nor have I gotten him a gift. I might try to brave the store tomorrow, while I’m picking up a heating coil for Elizabeth’s tank. I should look for some small gifts for the children, too. I remember one year my mother giggling over a glass of wine that our Valentine’s presents came from the Valentine Moose. Always loved that image. It’s possible that we’ve already picked up some things and they’ve been hidden so successfully that we’ve forgotten about them, too.
Two more days and then the dreaded V Day will be over. One less bit of pressure wafting away like a balloon in the sky. Or drifting sadly over the snow, where it’s so cold that the helium doesn’t make it float . . .
Tori L. Ridgewood 